I Don't Know.

Just a head's up-this post is going to be very unorganized and probably not make any sense.
Guys, I am struggling with this whole weight loss and getting healthier thing. It feels like I have given up. Like I just don't care about anymore. I've lost the drive and the motivation. I'm stuck. You hear about people reaching a point that shows them just how bad off they are. I thought I already hit that point. Do I have to go back to where I was to get going again?
I don't feel completely down like I did nearly 2 years ago. I am starting to be more comfortable with myself-is that why I have stopped losing weight? Do I learn to love myself and hope that the weight comes off or do I struggle to lose the weight and then hope that I love myself when I get there?
The Biggest Loser recently started up again and I find myself giving it my undivided attention just hoping that I hear someone say they have the same issues I do. I'm hoping for some clue as to why I am where I am. I tell myself I have dealt with all my issues from losing Zack, but then I don't know if I really have. I mean there has to be something holding me back right?  Is it all habit or is there really something I have buried deep and can't get to yet? I don't know. I guess it is a good sign that I still care enough to wonder. I haven't completely lost hope. Maybe I am just lazy and let myself off because it is too hard. I was loving running and how it made me feel, but then I got shin splints and I have had to stop and let them heal. Maybe that is all this is and when I can run again I will feel better. Like I said before, I don't know.
We decided to do some family pictures last weekend. I had no hesitation like I would have before. I know I don't look the way I want to look, but I didn't let that stop me. I want to document the journey with pictures.
I'm just frustrated that I am not more upset with where I am and the lack of progress. I want to lose more weight, but there is something holding me back and making me feel like it isn't a big deal to not lose the weight. I need someone to climb inside my head and dig around and tell me what they see.