3 posts in one...

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now, but I keep finding other things that need my attention . So now I have even more to say.

Since we just recently started the new year I will start with my resolutions. When I was younger, probably like 13 or 14, my dad challenged me to go a year without candy and he would pay me $100. I decided to take him up on his offer and made it a whole year. I still had things like cookies, but no candy. I decided this year I was going to do it again. This time, along with no candy, I am really limiting my bad sugar intake. I am not a soda drinker to begin with so that isn't hard. Cookies and cakes will be a rare occasion. Before I did it for the money this time I am doing it show myself that I am in control and that I don't need those things.
Along with the no candy thing I am making more of an effort to be kind and make connections with people (like I talked about in my last post). I heard a friend say that we should "leave people better than we found them" so I intend to do just that. That means taking the time to thank the lady at the grocery store, saying hello when I see a familiar face, and doing the extra things to help those around me feel loved and appreciated.
I figured those two are enough for now.

From Instagram and Facebook:

So I used to dress my body with one goal in mind: to hide it. Hoodies, cardigans, layers, and sweat pants everyday. I would stand in front of the mirror and look from different angles to make sure the undesirable parts were hidden or camouflaged. Getting dressed was a chore and I hated it. Recently something has changed. Don't get me wrong, I love a good hoodie but recently I haven't been as worried about what is covered up or what parts can be seen. The shame I felt for my body is melting away. I had been dressing for hotmess the same way. While it is too hot for multiple layers I made sure I was dressing in a way that wouldn't draw attention to my body. This new session I am trying something new. I'm not going to dress to hide myself. This morning I put on new workout clothes and felt good. I was confident and didn't feel like I wanted to hide. As budget allows I'm going to start adding to my closet. I'm ready to dress my body with confidence!

Abby directed my poses

Now this doesn't mean you will see me running around in bikinis anytime soon so don't get your hopes up. It just feels so good to see the progress. For the longest time I thought that the progress had to be purely physical. The outside stuff. It has mostly been inside stuff and I think that is so much more important than the outside stuff.
Our bodies are our reward for accepting the plan and coming down to earth. There is no doubt in my mind that we will be held responsible for how we take care of them. I am finally taking care of mine the way it should be taken care of.

And finally...more from Facebook:

I was looking at old blog posts on my family blog trying to find Scotty's stats at 15 months old (Feb 2013) and I came across a post I had done about losing weight. At the time of writing this I had been working hard and lost 48 pounds.

"I wish my weight didn't have so much control over me. It has become who I am. I am so tired of all the things that this weight has brought into my life. The constant worry about who is looking at me. Noticing that I am the biggest in the room. I feel so uncomfortable going shopping. In my head I just know everyone is looking at me and wondering why I am in there because there couldn't possibly be something in there that would look good on me. I have even said out loud to my kids that I bet grandma would love this or maybe Aunt Natalie would wear that just so they think I am shopping for someone else."

I remember that person so well. I am so happy that I am not consumed by those thoughts anymore. They come and go, but consume me they do not. I had lost 48 lbs and was weighed down by hopelessness. Here I am today, probably not a pound lost, and I feel so light. I was talking to a friend yesterday and it was brought up that I am not afraid to workout on the front row now and my new commitment to dress my body confidently and I asked her "how did this happen?" She just looked at me and said "you made this happen." I don't know if it was the pain pills talking or what but my friend helped me see that it wasn't by chance. It has been me fighting to love myself the way I am and fighting to see the good. It has been me acknowledging how very blessed I am and asking God to help me conquer the things that were holding me back. It has been a conscious effort to push out negative thoughts and remind myself that I am strong, powerful, amazing, and loved.
What a difference being grateful and being willing to accept that I am not my weight has made.

I have always had things in my life that brought me happiness. Being a wife and mother made me happy. Spending time with family and friends made me happy. Take those things away and I was not happy. Then one day a friend of mine shared a quote. "Love what you have, while working for what you want." It was like a light bulb in my brain. All this time I thought I had to change what I had before I could love it. That was the day I gave myself permission to accept where I was and who I was while I worked for the things that I wanted. Before I worried that I would lose the weight and still not be happy. I no longer worry about that.