16 weeks

So it has been a while since I have posted. I didn't really know what to say so I just didn't say anything. The morning sickness was terrible, but it has been gone for about a month now. There have been days it came back, but nothing that lasted long. I lost weight (like 5 lbs) between my 8th week and the 12th week. I am slowly gaining it back. My anxiety has been fairly manageable with one exception that I will get to in a minute. All other pregnancy symptoms have been mostly text book. I am currently sitting at 16 weeks. I feel big though. Overall things are going well and we are starting to make plans for the arrival of our baby (something I am still hesitant to do). Since losing Zack I tend to reserve my excitement until the baby is in my arms. So making plans for the baby room and stuff like that makes me feel uncomfortable. I am trying though.

15 weeks and a few days

Ok, so the anxiety. While we were visiting family over Easter weekend I began to be concerned that I was leaking fluid. At first I thought it was urine, but then my mind starts going and I started to get worried. So I did what just about any other person would do and I got online. I should not have done that. I freaked myself out even more. So there we were away from home and I was getting worried. I told Sterling and I tried to not let on how concerned I was. I kept telling myself there was nothing I could do until I knew for sure what was going. Since I had an appointment already scheduled the next day I just told myself to settle down. I did pretty good until the morning of my appointment. I was worrying and had no patience with my kids. I kept running though worst scenario after worst scenario and finally had to just turn my brain off. We found out Zack had problems at about 18 weeks so it was way too close to that time to have anything to worry about. We got to the doctor and I was told my ultrasound would be first which helped me a lot. Until they called me back and didn't do the ultrasound first. They did weight and blood pressure (which was surprisingly good 124/78). Then I had to wait in a room with two kids that were bouncing off the walls and a husband that thought I was fine. About 20 minutes later (it seemed more like 45) they called us in to get the ultrasound. And there it was. The beautiful beating heart of our baby. The head was moving and the legs were going. It was a wonderful sight. She asked if we wanted to find out if it is a boy or a girl and yes we did. Abby was really hoping for a sister. Like really hoping. I wondered how she would take it if she didn't get her wish. So the tech told us the cord was between the legs so she might not be able to tell, but she did some magic with the wand and told us we were going to have a boy. I immediately looked at Abby. She got really quiet and sat back in her seat. Her lip started to quiver and I could see the beginnings of tears. She held it in though. It was hard for her to hear, but she did well. She is now convinced that at the next ultrasound the cord won't be in the way and they will tell us it is a girl. Hopefully we can convince her that that isn't the case before she suffers disappointment twice.

We headed back to our room to talk to the doctor. He came in and visited for a little bit. He delivered Scotty and was pleased to see a repeat customer. He then asked if I had any concerns. I told him and he asked some questions and then put my mind at ease. He said if anything changes I should call, but for now my fluid levels look good and he isn't worried. At first I felt silly for stressing out, but then I decided that that is what being a mom is about. Worrying that things are ok with your children. That they are thriving and healthy. So I left feeling a lot better and trying to help Abby deal with the idea of having another brother.