2 Months

It has been two months since my last post. I guess I don't have much to say these days. Life is moving along and I am doing my best to keep up. The pregnancy is moving along as well. I am sitting uncomfortably at 30 weeks. I swear if I carried this baby any lower he would be born already. I have had terrible pain in my ligaments and joints. It is all I can do to stand up and walk around some days. Thankfully I have a great husband that is quick to remind me I am a "vessel" and I should take it easy and not worry about the stuff that needs to get done. We have been eating a lot of frozen pizza and sandwiches.
Since my last post I did something I was very uncomfortable with. We painted the baby's room and set up the crib/furniture. Yeah, my other kids were at least a month old before I even let myself think about that kind of stuff. We did it partly because it was taking up room in Scotty's room (since he recently moved out of the crib/toddler bed). We are trying to organize everyone's new room situations and it needed to happen. I was wanting to just put everything in there and close the door and get to it another time, but the dad was ready. It was hard for me to do it. I guess a part of me is fighting the attachment just in case. It doesn't matter how much reassurance I get there is still a part of me that holds back. The thought of letting myself embrace the fullness of this whole pregnancy and baby and then having it taken away is too much to handle so I kind of keep my distance. I still can't call him by the name we have picked out. When everyone else talks about him or prays for him they call him by name. I call him "the baby". It was the same way with Abby and Scotty. I held back. That doesn't mean I love my babies less while they are in utero, it just means I am protecting myself. I hate that I do it, but it is self preservation.
He is mostly a very active baby (a master in the art of bladder boxing), but there are some times when he is a little less active. I have to take a lot of deep breathes and remind myself that he is probably sleeping or just taking a break from all the moving. If I let it the fear and concern would be crippling. I have to sneak away and just sit still and offer a prayer and try to have faith.
I am already feeling huge and anxious for October to get here. I try to laugh off the comments from people when they ask how far along I am and then are surprised to hear I still have "quite a ways to go". Sometimes I wonder why people even ask if they can't think of a positive response.
Overall I am doing good. Everything looks good with the baby and I am healthy (the blood tests proved it). My blood pressure has (surprisingly) never been better and I have my weight gain under control. I was pretty concerned about the weight gain, but I am doing good.
So here's to the next 10 or so weeks. May they be enjoyable and easy to endure.