The Numbers

I have been feeling so good lately that I forgot what it feels like to feel defeated and frustrated. Today I was remind of just how crumby those feelings can make me feel.
I woke up this morning at 4:53, two minutes before my alarm was to go off. I grabbed my phone and turned off my alarm. I headed to the bathroom to start getting ready. I was so exhausted. Last weekend was full of late nights and then I'm up early everyday. Owen has had a cold and hasn't been sleeping well. My exhaustion was evident in the puffy eyes I saw looking back at me in the mirror. I wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep for at least another hour. I debated about what my body needed more today, sleep or exercise. I finally decided (after some muscle testing) that it needed the exercise. So I finished getting ready and got in my car.
I pulled into the parking lot at 5:21, I was a little early so I sat in silence. I struggled to stay awake and was feeling like I had made the wrong choice and should have gone back to bed.
I walked into the building and was lacking the pep in my step. I felt crusty and grumpy. Then I was told I could do a weigh in and check my numbers and see the progress I had made. That was good news. I was curious about my progress.
It was my turn and I went back. I was hopeful and climbed on the scale. This whole time I had been telling myself that the weight didn't matter and that I just wanted to concentrate of feeling good right now. When I saw the number it was like all the stuff I had been telling myself went out the window. I had lost 0.1 of a pound. Then we checked BMI and fat %. Not a single change. Both numbers were exactly the same as they were 6 weeks ago. 6 weeks of hard work and struggle. 6 weeks of fighting and not giving up. I was frustrated, but put on a good face saying that at least I felt better. Inside I was crushed. I had been telling myself I wanted to just feel good, but in the back of my mind I was hoping for the numbers to change.
I headed back into class and struggle the rest of the work out. I fought through each plank and only put in half the effort I had before. I just didn't have it today. I just knelt on the floor and struggled to pull myself back up.
We had gotten started late so I had to leave before it was over. I cried on the way to my car and cried on the way home. I talked out loud, like I often do when I am in the car alone, and expressed my frustrations. The numbers hadn't changed. Then the thought came "but you have". I guess I have, but for today I am having a hard time seeing those changes. It is sad that one rough day can take me back 6 weeks. Tomorrow will be better, I hope, but for today I am struggling.